dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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