splinters make it hard to masturbate
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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