I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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