Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My pussy is not your playground.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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