i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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