And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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