Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my shit smells like andre
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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