Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
