are you still at the devil's house?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
