Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize