do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
