So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
