Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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