So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
