quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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