Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
