one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
