And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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