I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
