That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
