Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize