go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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