bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
