Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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