You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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