Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
