So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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