one might say we're banned from that church
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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