My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
