dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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