mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
