Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
