Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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