I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My dick has a subreddit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
