I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
