you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
