too bad you live with your parents still
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
