Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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