Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
