So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize