I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
