That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
