so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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