She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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