dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize