is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
where are you?
Hypothermia
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
