I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize