If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
