he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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