Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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