So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
