my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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