The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
