Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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