Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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