his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came on her dog
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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