remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i love accidental penises.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
