i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
