would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
