I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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