so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
