he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize