it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize