Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
