Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
