if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
