So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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