Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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