Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
