Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
