You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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