Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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