I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
